Secrets
by Zanza8
Summary: Set at the end of the Kyoto arc. Sanosuke and Megumi share secrets about their past on the train ride back to Tokyo.


Megumi frowned as the train gathered speed and Sanosuke bolted for the door. "What's the matter with him?"

"Nothing," said Yahiko disgustedly. "He's just afraid of the train."

The young woman's eyes widened. "Afraid of the train?"

"That's right," said the youngster. "He says it must be ghosts that make it move-he just doesn't believe in science. Oh, and he's afraid of having his picture taken….ouch!"

Karou slapped Yahiko again for good measure. "Sanosuke might be afraid of trains and cameras, but he's brave enough when it counts."

"That's true, Yahiko, so it is," said Kenshin soberly. "Everyone is afraid of something-you might be afraid of something Sano wouldn't even notice, so it isn't very nice to make fun of him."

"I'm not afraid of anything!" Yahiko flinched as Karou pushed up her kimono sleeve, then relented and muttered, "except for Ugly here's cooking."

As Karou and Yahiko scuffled, Megumi's eyes met Kenshin's and she said quietly, "I think I'll get some fresh air." He nodded approvingly and she left the carriage and stepped out onto the platform. Sano was leaning on the railing, his face pale and sweaty, and the young woman felt concern. "Is your hand hurting you?"

He shook his head, taking a deep breath. "No more than usual. I suppose they all told you?"

"That you're afraid of the train?" The young woman touched his shoulder and said compassionately, "It's all right, Sanosuke-I don't like trains either."

"You don't have to say that, Megumi." Sano hung his head.

"It's true." Megumi's voice was very quiet. "The only other time I ever rode on a train was the first time I came to Tokyo. My father brought me-he said we were just visiting, but then he left me with his doctor friend, the one who made the opium…." Her eyes filled with tears. "I didn't want to stay, and then later, after my family disappeared and I was forced to work for Kanryuu, every time I heard a train whistle, it reminded me of the last time I saw my family."

Sanosuke's heart went out to her. "I'm sorry, Megumi. I wish there was something I could do."

She smiled sadly. "Don't tell the others. Karou would feel guilty for buying me a ticket, and….and I don't want any pity from any of them."

"All right," said the young man softly. "You can go back inside-I suppose you want to keep an eye on Kenshin anyway, after he was hurt so badly."

"You're the only one who still needs treatment, Sanosuke." Megumi touched his heavily bandaged hand and he winced. "And it's not good for you to be so upset when you need to get well-if you feel better out here, I'll stay with you." He smiled and relaxed and the young woman took a deep breath. There would never be a better time….

"Sanosuke, there's something I need to talk to you about."

He raised his eyebrows. "That sounds serious."

"I don't know if it is or not," said Megumi, "but…." She hesitated. "After Saito stabbed you, your clothes were bloody." Sano just looked at her. "Everything had to be washed." She looked at his hands. "Everything." He looked away, nervously rubbing his left wrist, wrapped as always in red tape. "I bandaged your wrist, and with the extent of your injuries, no one else even noticed it." Megumi paused but the young man was silent. "You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to, but as your doctor….if there's anything troubling you…."

Sano unwrapped his wrist, studying the jagged scar that marred the smooth bronze skin. "It's an old wound, Megumi."

"But it looks like you tried to hurt yourself, and I couldn't tell how long ago it was."

He said quietly, "This happened when I was eleven."

"Oh." She took a moment, smiling with sheer relief. "Then you're all right now?" Sano nodded but a shadow had come over his face. "You can tell me about it if you want to, Sanosuke." He hesitated and she said quickly, "Only if you want to. I don't want to pry into something you'd rather not talk about."

"I don't mind talking about it. I just haven't had anybody to talk about it with." Sano closed his eyes for a moment. "I was on the streets, just about starving to death, and a man offered me a job. Cleaning up, running errands-he seemed okay, and the house-I thought at first it was an inn. It didn't take me long to realize it was a brothel, but I didn't care. They fed me, gave me a warm place to sleep, even some clothes-old clothes, but my own were in rags. It seemed like a piece of good luck. It was only later I realized the man was a….well, he must have thought I would look good once I got cleaned up and had a few regular meals. The mama-san must have thought so too-after I was there about a month, she called me in one night and had me change into some fancy new clothes, and then she sent me off to one of the rooms."

Sanosuke fell silent, lost in the memory. It was a long time before he resumed his story. "The man in the room-he just….fell on me, and I fought him off….the mama-san heard the commotion and came running." He swallowed hard. "She told me I was lucky to have found such a good house to belong to and to be _nice_ to the man….I told her what I thought of her and her house, and then I grabbed a knife and swore I'd rather die and I slashed myself…." The young man smiled mirthlessly. "At that point, she decided like a good business woman that I was more trouble than I was worth and she threw me back out in the street."

"Sanosuke, I'm so sorry." A single tear slid down Megumi's cheek and he reached over and brushed it away.

"It's all right, Megumi. That was the first time I was able to fight for myself and protect myself-after I healed up I went back to that place and broke into their storage shed. They had an old zanbatou there-I took it and learned to use it, and I took the name Zanza and got to be the strongest street fighter in Tokyo." Sano smiled wryly. "It wasn't really the best way to go, but I was very angry even before I met those people, and at least fighting kept me alive until I met Kenshin and found a better way." He wrapped his wrist again, tucking the ends of the tape neatly in place. "I cover up the scar because I don't want to talk about it-most people wouldn't understand and the ones that would, like Missy and Kenshin and Yahiko, well, I don't want them feeling sorry for me. And you don't have to feel sorry for me either. I'm not ashamed or upset about what happened. I almost never think about it anymore."

The young woman felt overwhelmed with grief, from her own bitter memories and the pain of what she had just heard. "Maybe I shouldn't have brought it up, but I was worried about you."

"It's all right." Sanosuke's deep brown eyes were at peace. "Maybe it's always better to talk about something like this than keep it inside, but it's not so easy to find someone you can trust."

Megumi managed a small smile. "Sometimes, Sanosuke Sagara, I think you're a lot smarter than you get credit for."

He grinned. "Could be-I'm smart enough to appreciate pretty lady doctors."

"That's a nice thing to say."

"I always say nice things. Ready to go back inside?"

"Are you sure you'll be all right? I really don't mind staying out here."

Sano opened the door, his eyes twinkling with mischief. "But I'm getting hungry, and I'm pretty sure Missy has some food. And since I am still a patient, it's your duty as a doctor to stay with me."

Suddenly Megumi's sadness left her and she laughed. Somehow it was always the same-no matter how she was feeling, Sanosuke could always lift her spirits.


End file.
